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Monday, September 3, 2012

Gone...

Well, as some of you know from the FB post, I lost my beloved mare Fatima (AKA the SRF) August the 24. She died of a massive reaction to a progesterone injection. She began to seize the evening before, as soon as I began to give the injection, it scared me to death. I stopped and did not give her the whole thing. I called the vet (two vets actually) and they told me it sounded like I had accidentally gotten some of the medication in an artery when she started to squirm around and she would be fine in a bit. She seemed to come out of it and recover and was up and walking around when we left the barn. At nine o'clock at night the barn owner texted me and said she was still doing fine, wandering around and grazing.

At 4:30 Friday morning I got a call telling me that she had crashed through the fence and then onto the barn owner's back porch, breaking a window. Apparently she went through another fence into the back pasture, which is where she was when we got there. She was completely neurologic, she would go into a seizure, fall, thrash, smash her head on the ground and then go still for a bit, resting, then she would attempt to get up and start all over. We got two halters on her and managed to keep her from smashing her head into the ground as much. The closest vet would not answer the calls, and my usual vet was an hour and a half away. She got up and headed our way, but in the interim we had to deal with the repeated seizures. The interval between them got longer, but they were still happening. When the vet got there, she sedated her and began IV fluids laced with Dex and DMSO to try to reduce the swelling that had developed in her brain. She finally lay quietly and was resting after the fluids were administered.

The vet left another bag of fluids and a sedative for me to administer a bit later. I am a vet tech and have had the training to do these things and my vet knows my abilities and had it not been me she would not have trusted me with this sort of thing. She had inserted a jugular catheter, and sutured it in. She told me that she was not going to lie to me, and that she could still not make it. I understood, I know that a horse surviving something like what she had gone through was iffy at best.

My best friend and I stayed out in the pasture with her, watching her for any signs of coming out of it. After about an hour or so, she seemed to begin to seize again. Her breathing became very labored, her nostrils collapsing, and she was gasping. I called the vet back and she said to re-sedate her. I did and she continued to take what turned out to be her final breaths. She had no response to stimulus. I was holding her nostrils open and trying to get her to breathe again, my friend was also calling to her and trying to get her to respond, but she was gone.

We let my friend's gelding, who loved my mare, say goodbye before we loaded her on the trailer and took her home. It was the longest drive I have ever made. On our way we say a beautiful, full rainbow, I like to think that was her, crossing over, saying goodbye. When we arrived back at the farm I grew up on and she was born on, we drove her to the back pasture and laid her to rest beside her mother. They are together now.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I miss her so much. I had such hopes and dreams for us. Part of me still can't grasp the fact that she is gone.


Love your horses folks, love them with all you have, you never know when your time with them will be gone.

23 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry for your loss and for the traumatic way that it had to happen. It's hard losing any beloved animal, but I think sometimes its hardest to lose a horse, at least for those of us who think of them as companions and partners rather than just pets.

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  2. I just stumbled upon your blog today. I am so sorry for your loss. It's so sad when it happens, let alone in such a tragic situation. My heart goes out to you.

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  3. I am so so sorry that you lost your beautiful mare.

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  4. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. :(

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  5. I am so sorry - she was beautiful.

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  6. This is so sad. Sorry for your loss.

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  7. About this time a year ago, you were consoling me over the loss of my mare. I'm so sorry you're going through this, and sorry for your loss. She was such a character, and I know how much you loved her. I'm sure SHE knew, too... and that's what really matters.

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  8. My heart goes out to you this morning when I read your post. I recently lost my horse as well, and I am still devistated. Stay strong, she knows you loved her.

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  9. My heart breaks for you. That is a completely traumatizing experience. I applaud you for being there by her side for the entire thing and helping keep her as comfortable as possible until the very end. She knew you were there and knew you loved her. She is in a good place now and rests with family.

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  10. As it was put to me on my own blog when I lost my red mare- A tear and a toast.


    She knows you loved her. Clearly you gave her the best of everything. She may be gone, but she will never be forgotten. Godspeed.

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  11. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Rest in peace, Fatima, we very much enjoyed reading about your antics as the "Silly Red Filly." Your human mama sure misses you.

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  12. :( This is horrible. I am so sorry for you. :(

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  13. I'm so sorry for your loss. :( Virtual hugs in your direction.

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  14. I am so sorry for your loss I just lost my thoroughbred mare on Sunday. It has been difficult but we will get through this.

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    1. Oddly enough I just looked at the picture of her and they look a lot alike. If you look at my avatar she is the chestnut with the big white blaze.

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  15. So very sorry for your loss. She was well loved.

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  16. Wow.. I am SO sorry to hear this.

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  17. You poor thing! I've not heard of a reaction to progesterone before..

    The photo you posted shows a gorgeous looking mare - so sorry.

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  18. Oh, I am so sorry, not only for the loss of your beloved friend, but the way it happened. You were brave to be there with her the whole way. I also have not heard of such a reaction to progesterone.
    I am going to hug my horses tonight.

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  19. Just stopped by and read this now - so very sorry. No other words; just... sorry.

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  20. Just read this post after not having been "on" for a couple months. I am so sorry this happened to you and to her. Peace to you.

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