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Monday, November 9, 2009

Just plain hideous...

Still soldiering on, it is hard, but I know I can make it. Had horsie time this weekend and that helped some (geez I am sore). If he would just stop being so f-ing cruel to me it would be nice...

Keep me in your thoughts folks, it really helps me to know that are others out there who care.


  1. You remain in my thoughts...hoping you get to be 100% soon.

    Holy Mother of God! That has GOT to be the ugliest excuse for a western saddle I have EVER seen! Cheap and ugly! Yeeeeuuuk.

  2. Who's being cruel to you? If it's your S.O., trust me, get OUT and find someone that truly loves you! Been there, done that, and wish I hadn't put up with 1/2 the CRAP I did.

    Praying you find the answers that work for you though, but don't put up with abuse of any kind! Nobody deserves that treatment!

    As for the saddle, I vote this one THE most hideous so far. Putrid color combination, poorest quality EVER and just plain barf-o-rama!

  3. I think barbie saddles are made form higher quality materials than this winner.

    And I second the comment made above. Do not take cruelty from an S.O. You are worth more than that.

  4. I second everything that's been said. I'm trying to figure out: is it just the lighting making an ugly brown "leather" purple, or does it actually go from purple to ugly brown? Either way, the construction and materials used are hideous, not to mention the overall tones.

  5. I'm thinking that the HORSIE was cruel.... in which case, you have to do the opposite and spend MORE time on him. ; )

    At least I'm hoping that is the case. Otherwise, kick the mean S.O. to the curb - even this horrific saddle is worth more than someone who's mean to you!!

  6. Ok, as I am sure you are all wondering, here is a brief rundown of what is going on.

    Husband demanded divorce out of the blue on Oct 29.
    In my shock and grief I injured myself (stupid).
    He dumped me at the ER and left and I haven't seen him since.
    They kept me for observation until Monday the Nov 2.

    There has been more that has happened but I really am not comfortable posting it for the world to see. Suffice it to say that I am shocked, confused, hurt and kind of pissed. He has done several other things that are so unlike him that I am really wondering what has happened. Thanks again for all of your support and good thoughts.

  7. HOLY CRAP. *hugs* That's monumental.

    We could speculate forever but .... whatever, hope you get thru to the other side soon.

    Glad you have horses - that helps a little bit I am sure.

  8. Oh, Goodness. (((BIG HUGS)))
    A horses' mane can absorb an astonishing amount of tears...You are soooo much better off without someone who is cruel to you. For the moment though you are focused on your pain and grief, which is normal. I think I can speak for most of us here and say we are behind you or beside you if you need us there.

  9. Aww Sweetie, I know you're hurting now, but you have a lot of people who care and who will take your side & support you (evidence: even
    -I- am commenting publicly instead of lurking).
    PRS mentioned that manes have excellent tear absoption rates - I can attest to that also. One of my old race horses, Chuckie, has been my main crying towel for years. He never betrays my secrets, he never thinks less of me in my moments of weakness, and he has learned how to give a really tight, horsey hug.

    As for divorce? Make sure you get a good lawyer, 'cause SOB needs to know there's a fair price to pay to get out. Kharma, he should watch out for it.


  10. What comes around goes around ;) Sucks to be him, now doesn't it? Just think of all he is going to miss out on in such a strong person in you. Ah well- just means that later on in time, someone else may benefit tremendously.

    I have no words on that saddle though.... Just... None...

  11. Ahh, carp, I was hoping it was just the horse being a brat. (((Hugs)))

  12. Oh no. I am so sorry about that. Divorce is ugly I know first hand.

    Get better soon, and go hug your horse.

    then after you do that go kick the EX.

  13. Wow, that leather actually looks like cheap cardboard....

    I have had you in my thoughts as well. Here's something that has helped me tremendously- I am a person with self-destructive and depressive tendancies. I am also a nurse, and I ahve been taking care of old people for years now. When I meet some 92 year old who has been through several marriages, had children die, and all sorts of horrible things I can't even imagine, that is humility. It gives me the strength to know that, even when things are crap in my own marriage, or my own life, life keeps going and as much as it sucks now, years later my life could look so different. It's really hard to explain, but maybe that helps a bit? I don't know.

    Hang in there. The internet is a wonderful thing, people with such different lives can relate and support each other without ever seeing eye to eye. People here care.

  14. As I've said before, horse people are some tough people. And you have all of us horsie people here to lean on.

    And that It looks like pleather. Like cheap pleather that's paper thin. Eww. I doubt I could even put weight in that stirrup for fear that it would rip. And the sad part is, some beginner horse person (probably affected by the economy too) will USE this thing. Poor horse.

  15. I suspected it was the S.O., but sorry to hear that I was right. Having been through it, just know that there are better times ahead. Stay strong and take care of yourself sweetie.

  16. Oh my g*& Mexican chicken skin!!! LOL

    I hope what you are going through is better soon.

  17. Take care of yourself and remember that horses are the best therapy.

  18. Well, I always say if they don't know what they have then they don't deserve it. (Nice saying huh, but I know that it never feels like that when it is you going through it) I am real sorry to hear that, been through similar stuff myself if you need someone to talk to just email. Also since it is winter the wool-y coats of horses make good tear soakers, too. My first horse helped me through my first couple of break ups and just spending time with them can be just as therapeutic as laying on the couch.

    No comment on the ugly saddle... just no comment.

  19. Oh goodness. Your comment about someone being cruel to you is worrisome. No one deserves to be treated cruelly - physically or emotionally. Don't take it.
    And that saddle is just wrong.

  20. {{{{{{{cyber hug}}}}}}}}

    Yeah, sometimes they just turn into a$$holes.

    Experience speaks:

    Take the anger and put it into self defense.

    First, stomp around crying and yelling, "That SOB may have hurt me, but he CAN'T make me hurt myself!" Yeah, it helps. So does killing a pillow with a hammer.

    Second, so that he can't hide or steal property before the settlement:

    If you have a joint account, withdraw the money and put it in savings, in your own name. Don't spend it; or if you have to, spend less than half. If the bank objects, make it an escrow, pending divorce settlement.

    If you have stocks or mutual funds, "lock" any in both names (tell them of the impending divorce). If you can, get official records of how much your husband owns. (Check your files.)

    Joint credit cards: write and ask that the account be made inactive until the divorce is settled. Check to make sure payments are being made.

    Check whose name is on car titles and mortgages. If the house is in his name, get with friends and talk about moving, so you have an emergency moving plan in place.

    If you have valuable furniture/silverware/stuff, try to document which of you owns it. (For instance, an affidavit from your mother/other relatives that you inherited this or that from your grandma.)

    Change the locks on your house and barn/tack room. Don't forget the garage door openers. Put a hitch lock on your trailer. Change ignitions & door/trunk locks on any vehicles that are in your name, or in both your names. Either that, or store them in a locked facility, in your name, making sure that your record says "do not release to anyone else, ever, unless I am there in person and you can see me."

    Start a journal, right now, of all interactions between you. (Start with Oct. 29.)

    Tape your phone calls; save your emails and IMs.

    Do this NOW - before he does it! Don't let depression win. Use your anger for energy. Don't let the SOB get ahead of you.

    Put titles and deeds in either a safe deposit box, or a fireproof safe.

    (Yeah, my ex cleaned out the joint account, and got a couple of MY family heirlooms. And that was a FRIENDLY divorce.)

    And, yeah, I agree - get a lawyer. And make sure the lawyer knows about him dumping you in the ER.

    {{{{{{{{{more hugs}}}}}}}}


  21. I have a lawyer, and he knows about the dumping at the ER, he also knows about the fact that the SOB cleaned out the bank accounts that Friday morning while I was in the hospital. The house is in both names and the car is too (tho my mom pays the note). Other than that, there is not much to dispute, a great deal of the furniture is mine, inherited from Grandma or given to me by Mom and Dad. No judge would award him my service dog, and I have no idea on the cats. He hasn't physically abused me, so rest easy there, he is just being emotionally cruel to me. Thanks again for all the advice and support.

  22. All I can do is hug.

    And that saddle...grah!

  23. Sometimes emotional/mental battering is worse than physical because there are no wounds to show. Hang in there, the less you cave in the less his victory. Asshole. So, so sorry to hear that. We out here in cyberworld can only offer words, but hopefully they help. Just look in the mirror and tell yourself what you can do, what you have done and who you are. Just remind yourself you are worth more than that. The hurt does not go away; you just can choose to bury it. Deep. Good luck and Keep us informed so we can at least offer words of support. (That saddle totally sucks, too. GAAAAACK!!!!!)

  24. I agree with phaedra, emotional abuse can be just as awful, if not worse than physical abuse. I've been there, and offer my sincere hope of strength and peace for you.

    And GAH, I think that saddle was made from a saddle a college boyfriend of mine had, yikes.

  25. I know you only through this website but that does not stop me from sending good thoughts your way. There is some good advice posted here. I can tell you are smart and sensible and you will survive this and be okay.

  26. HUGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSS Well just know that all of us here, while strangers to you, are here for you in anyway we can be. And if need be, tuck this little peice of knowledge away... I have connections in New York if ya get my drift..... wink wink nod nod Ever heard of the Gallos lol Anyway we are definately here for you, each of praying and thinking of you daily.

  27. I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. I wish I lived nearby to help you out. I totally agree with what is stated above, horses manes are great for crying in. They don't know the circumstances, but they understand. We will keep you in our prayers.

    As for that saddle, ugh. It looks like something a child made.

  28. I heard of some advice once about taking one day, gathering all your memories of the relationship, turning off all your phones, locking yourself in the house, and then spending the entire day grieving over your lost relationship......crying, yelling, stomping, whatever you feel like doing. The article said that after about 4-5 hours of that, you are done and can move on. I never tried it because I read this after my break ups, but it made sense to me to get all the hurt "out" in one no-good-horrible day!!! That was good advice about the assets. During divorce people get angry and bitter, so keeping the things that are important to you safe is a good move.

  29. My daughter is divorcing a rabid a$$hole and it isn't pretty. Mental cruelty is just as bad as physical cruelty. I hope you getting through the day in better spirits real soon. I think we all send you a big bloggy cyber hug!!!
    And that saddle of today? Well, only an a$#hole would buy it and only a poor unsuspecting google eyed rider would ride in it.

  30. I am so sorry you are going through this hell. You're riding the bull. Hang the heck on, let your friends be your pick up riders. There will be an end. Though not soon enough, I'm sure.